Jyn Erso (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
nextchance) wrote2025-05-19 08:45 pm
nextchance) wrote2025-05-19 08:45 pm
Entry tags:
show me how to lay my sword down
It didn't take long for them to settle into a rhythm. Jyn wasn't sure if that was surprising, or if it wasn't in the slightest. For both to somehow be true shouldn't have been possible, and yet that was how it felt. Whichever of the two would win out, though, it also felt good, falling asleep beside him at night and waking with his arms around her, watching him fit into the life she'd carved out for herself here like a missing piece slotting into place.
She didn't actually want to think of it that way. That, in short, was the source of so much of her continued conflict and confusion: not wanting to rebuild a life with and around him when it left her so wrecked to lose that before. As usual, though, her heart had other plans. She never was as good at closing herself off as she liked to portray herself, and he was— well, him. Not the person who'd been here before, but still the person whom she trusted more than she had ever let herself trust anyone, who came back for her time and again. In a way, he'd done the same here.
He was still the person she fell in love with, although she still hadn't used that word. It hovered, always there on the roof of her mouth, but she couldn't allow it out. For the sake of her own self-preservation and for his sake too, not wanting to pressure him or lead him to believe that she saw him only as the one who'd been here with her before, which she at least didn't think she was. Besides, having had no restraint at all the first time around, maybe it was better for maintaining that distinction to take things slow and see what happened, even if it became more difficult with each passing day not to act on how she felt about him.
Things were... well, good. Jyn had trouble trusting that, but she did not have trouble trusting him, so she tried to keep her focus on the latter. Nights were still sometimes interrupted by bad dreams, and she was still working on catching him up about this place, but given where they'd both started — and, for that matter, where they'd both ended — that was all to be expected, and not enough to lessen that overall judgment. Things were good. It was working. She really, really wanted it to work.
When he mentioned wanting to explore, testing some of the city's limits, Jyn hadn't hesitated to agree. She'd told him maybe his second day here that she would help him figure it out in any way she could, and she would hardly object to the idea of getting out for a while. Even in the comfort of her ship, she got restless easily.
Having taken a moment to water the plants in her garden before setting out, she looked up at Cassian when he emerged from the ship to join her. "Ready to go?" she asked. "Are we heading east or west?"
She didn't actually want to think of it that way. That, in short, was the source of so much of her continued conflict and confusion: not wanting to rebuild a life with and around him when it left her so wrecked to lose that before. As usual, though, her heart had other plans. She never was as good at closing herself off as she liked to portray herself, and he was— well, him. Not the person who'd been here before, but still the person whom she trusted more than she had ever let herself trust anyone, who came back for her time and again. In a way, he'd done the same here.
He was still the person she fell in love with, although she still hadn't used that word. It hovered, always there on the roof of her mouth, but she couldn't allow it out. For the sake of her own self-preservation and for his sake too, not wanting to pressure him or lead him to believe that she saw him only as the one who'd been here with her before, which she at least didn't think she was. Besides, having had no restraint at all the first time around, maybe it was better for maintaining that distinction to take things slow and see what happened, even if it became more difficult with each passing day not to act on how she felt about him.
Things were... well, good. Jyn had trouble trusting that, but she did not have trouble trusting him, so she tried to keep her focus on the latter. Nights were still sometimes interrupted by bad dreams, and she was still working on catching him up about this place, but given where they'd both started — and, for that matter, where they'd both ended — that was all to be expected, and not enough to lessen that overall judgment. Things were good. It was working. She really, really wanted it to work.
When he mentioned wanting to explore, testing some of the city's limits, Jyn hadn't hesitated to agree. She'd told him maybe his second day here that she would help him figure it out in any way she could, and she would hardly object to the idea of getting out for a while. Even in the comfort of her ship, she got restless easily.
Having taken a moment to water the plants in her garden before setting out, she looked up at Cassian when he emerged from the ship to join her. "Ready to go?" she asked. "Are we heading east or west?"